From 2009- 2010 I had a radio show in the Philippines. I’ve talked about it before briefly but I felt like, “Oh I don’t want people to think I’m living in the past and trying to hang on to those days, so I won’t talk about it on the blog.”
But the past few days has thrown me back into my former life, and I soon realised how integral that experience was in shaping me as a person. So now, I feel more comfortable to talk about it.
We had a show that talked about positivity. (What the f*ck right.) I was 21/22. And my co-host Sarah (who was maybe 27/28 at the time) and I jumped on air to talk about things like goals, happiness, and healing. (What the f*ck right.)
Back then, I used to think that these were normal things people talk about. But after leaving the country and jumping on a million planes around the world, I realised that its not. I’ve talked to people from many cultures and many industries, and often times, negativity is the focus.
Today the thought came to me to listen to this mixtape we made for our radio show. When we launched a book (yes, we did that too) we asked our friend Nix (who was still an up and coming DJ in the scene back then) to create a mixtape based on music we used to play in the morning (6-10 am rush hour yo) and include snippets of our conversations on-air.
Hearing my younger self speak is like time travel. I was hella shy. I was like, really incredibly unsure if the things I said even made sense. I let Sarah guide me hosting during this time, as I absorbed how to be a host and speaker. Obviously, I feel more comfortable now in my own voice because I’ve grown up. Seven years later, you do grow into your own skin.
I felt the energy of that era coming back to me, and filling me up with reminders of who I was and what I loved to do. Because the past few months I’ve faced struggle over and over again. I took and faced all pain without asking for help or guidance. Soon though, it takes a toll on your heart. Then one day you get to the point where you throw your hands up and say I can’t fucking do this anymore. Listening to the energy what we created in the past was such an incredible reminder that life isn’t about this unnecessary bullshit.
I felt the energy of my former self (minus the self-doubt) coming back to me. I realised that the beauty of creating things is that when you are not in a good place, you can come back to the things you worked on and tap into that frequent to feel good again.
You go back to a time and find your former self teaching your present self. It’s like when you write a letter to your future self wishing you well and wondering if you’ve ever achieved all the stuff you used to dream about. Or re-reading old journal entries and saying, “Damn I was wise.”
You can hear the healing in the music, in the words, in the sound of one’s voice. It bursts through your speakers and hits you in your heart.
Energy is I knew was boundless. I always knew that borders or distance never mattered. But today I realise that energy is timeless as well.