I just feel so incredibly grateful right now. I went through several weeks of incredibly low points and I feel like I finally bounced back up again. I feel so inspired and I feel like my heart is full.
Thank you to the people who surrounded me with so much love and support. I feel like I made the most authentic connections with people out there. (Shout out to my limitless fam.) My conversations with them really made me see beneath the facade and into different people’s hearts. My God, they don’t know me and they just met me, and yet they talk to me with so much sincerity and kindness.
A person doesn’t inspire me with perfection. I mean okay, it’s pretty on the outside but what else can we feel? These people that I met during my recent journey inspired me with their story on how they overcame struggle and how they faced their pain. They bravely showed me their realness. They inspired me with what they showed was their priorities in life: family, inner peace, authenticity, love.
Please tell me about how you healed yourself because this is the stuff life is made of.
The daily reminders I received that love exists everywhere- it really healed me and made me see the bigger picture to this game.
The best quote I heard the past weekend was this- “The best game in life…. is Life. Suit up, wear your heart on your sleeve, and play for love.” – my brother Jon.
Bye Manila and I can’t wait to come back.
See this? This is me. It’s not a carefully constructed image. Its not perfectly lighted. It’s not crazy styled with luxurious scenery in the background. It’s not online branding. It’s me. There is no illusion here of how I want you to perceive me. Cool, hot, whatever. Who cares.
No makeup, puffy eyes due to the amount of days I’ve been crying. Exhausted by the amount of energy I’ve been putting into this new journey. Focusing on releasing and healing. Moving to new levels and onto yet again, a new path.
This road friends, it’s not easy. Being happy isn’t about shoving your problems under the rug and pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s not about quoting Ghandi publicly just for show and then going back to a life thats false. It’s not about chasing things that give you a temporary high. The illusion collapses at the end of the day and we know it.
It involves a deep cleansing of pain and false, limiting beliefs you’ve been holding onto. Consciously or subconsciously. It’s letting go of your egos need to “look good” and “be right.” It’s about honesty. With yourself and others. It’s about expressing your truth.
It’s beyond form. It’s being transformed. To let go of pain requires you to first acknowledge it exists. Not everyone does that. That’s the real brave thing to do.
No, I’m not joining a cult or religious extremist group. I’m just learning so much that I took this pic to remind myself to stay honest and to stay on course. I actually didn’t even want to share it until a friend of mine said, “Why not? This is you. Don’t care about what people think.” This journey and reconnecting process with my home in Manila is revealing new layers to this life.
“Only the ego fears death.”
Know what I mean?
Around this time, two years ago, I started a new life. I always do this. With only enough money for two months rent and no plans on how the future would unfold. Trusting the journey, the lessons, the people I was meant to meet… Just pure excitement. One sign lead me to the next. Leave space open always for the universe to fill.
Photo taken in Omotesando, Tokyo when I was travelling last October 2015
I had a very interesting conversation with one of my sisters about faith. She had a bump in the road regarding her business and said, “I don’t know I just can’t see the future. I don’t know if I can do this.”
I said, “Well, do you believe in your vision? “Yes of course,” she answered. I further questioned, “Well, do you believe in yourself?” She was quiet.
I shared some of the things I believe in… “If you can believe in all your ideas, all your projects, your visions that you want to execute-turn the view inwards and put the same faith into yourself to make it happen.” We talked about how when we don’t know how things are going to turn out- without tangible proof- the fear and self-doubt set in and take over.
“Yeah, but you don’t need to see it. You just need to believe you can. The mind needs to see evidence, the heart just knows. Faith is in the heart, not in the mind.” I replied.
We ended the conversation rather abruptly as she had to go back to work. A few days later she messaged me saying, “I like how you brought up faith. Thanks for the talk.”
Sometimes I don’t even know I say until it’s said. x
“I’m moving,” I told my closest friend in Hong Kong. “Where?” She asked. “A new apartment? Or country?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just feel it again.”
We will see what happens next
Something I re-learned again: The Pain Body
“Many stressful emotional patterns repeat themselves again and again. This is the invisible threat of Self-Sabotage. And it is invisible simply because it is an unconscious pattern that repeats itself… Who is not touched by the impact of recurring times of sadness, anxiety, anger, or self-defeating behaviors?
There is an unseen force that causes us to unconsciously seek pain over and over again. Of course no one would do this consciously. No one likes to suffer. And yet we unconsciously create repetitive and unnecessary conflicts.
These self-destructive habit patterns are known as the Pain Body. It is a powerful unconscious force with great momentum. It’s purpose is to continue the pattern – to bring us pain.