Category Archives: Reflect

Something I re-learned again: The Pain Body

“Many stressful emotional patterns repeat themselves again and again. This is the invisible threat of Self-Sabotage. And it is invisible simply because it is an unconscious pattern that repeats itself… Who is not touched by the impact of recurring times of sadness, anxiety, anger, or self-defeating behaviors?

There is an unseen force that causes us to unconsciously seek pain over and over again. Of course no one would do this consciously. No one likes to suffer. And yet we unconsciously create repetitive and unnecessary conflicts.

These self-destructive habit patterns are known as the Pain Body. It is a powerful unconscious force with great momentum. It’s purpose is to continue the pattern – to bring us pain.

Theme of the year. 

Had the most refreshing questions asked on this trip to Manila. It had nothing to do with questions like “What are you working on?” or “Who are you meeting and chillin with?”

But more of “…But are you happy?” And “How are you feeling?” And “What do you feel is best?” And “What’s holding you back?”

Celebrating the transition from 28 to 29 with the people who hold up mirrors for me and say, “Look deeper my love.”

Family. What more can I say.

“She warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.”

Disney (despite years of portraying women as needed to be saved my a prince, which I highly disagree with) still did a good job with Beauty and the Beast. A remake is set to premier soon as the trailer is all over my social media. But anyway I digress, I was trying to recall a quote today about appearances and as I googled it I laughed when I realised it was from this film. 

This was my favorite movie when I was a kid and I memorised perhaps all of their songs. Belle is the reason I loved to read because she made reading look cool. (Cut to library scene when The Beast said that all the books were now hers. #points #game #winning)

But in hindsight what I took away, and maybe this is the reason my mom played this over and over and over again for me, was not to judge something or someone by the way it looks. 

So thanks Disney and thanks mom for imparting that knowledge into my brain. I’ve gone through too many experiences of judgement to be able to say, you know what they were right… Beauty really is found within. A perfect shell is nothing when full of emptiness. 

DO NOT DWELL ON THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOUR HEART HEAVY.

STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT.

THE PAST DOES NOT EXIST.

——-> 29 years very soon.

On Sunday, I woke up and thought, I need to move. That afternoon I ran into my realtor downstairs on the street.

Monday, I sent an e-mail to request for a change. We narrowed it down to a few spots.

Tuesday, I saw new spots.

Wednesday, I got a missed call and multiple e-mails to call them back. I didn’t have time to reply to anyone because I had deadlines to finish.

Thursday, I finally answered and was told that the new place is ready. I started packing that night and slept in the new place.

Friday, I moved more boxes out.

Saturday, I left the keys at the old place.

7 days from thought to reality.

For the record, this has never happened to me. Usually it takes weeks for things like this to shift. Transitions that I feel are important usually take longer to manifest.

But now I swear, Time is an illusion.

And, I’m getting a candle for this place this time.

Photo of Taal Lake, Philippines. December 2015.

“I’m a good person…I’m a bad person.”

It’s things I hear people label themselves in times of defensiveness or reasoning. Finding ways to validate the actions they’ve taken. Justification. Inherent traits they hold on to as badges to explain behaviour. 

But maybe, we can drop the labels. Maybe it’s neither being good nor being bad. 

Maybe it’s just a process from hurt to healing, and the actions we take as we journey between those places.

1. Choose Peace.
2. See the Other Person’s Point of View.
3. Repeat.

File under: life lessons.